All In A Row | My reaction

'A startling honest and moving new play about an autistic child'. You have to hand it to them, it sounds appealing at first glance, but boy, you scratch a little and under the surface its anything but that.

Its always difficult I suppose to judge any type of creative media without seeing the whole thing first. But its hard not to have an immediate and visceral reaction to what little we have seen. And although the creators have said that they had created the show with feedback from the autistic community, their families and carers you have to wonder how they have got it so wrong. And I think the reason at the heart of it, is that its created from the wrong persons perspective.

Autism is personal. Its about as personal as it gets. It's how a person's brain works, how they perceive the world and interact with it. It's at the core and heart of a person. You read the tag line again 'A startling honest and moving new play about an autistic child'. This play, written by an ex carer is not about how a non verbal, autistic child sees the world but rather how the world sees him. You only have to look at the decision to portray that child with a nightmarish puppet to see that.

I understand the thought process I suppose. A puppet can't emote like a person can, its also a way to visualise a clear difference with the character. But as an autistic person we've spent are whole lives being subtly moulded or not so subtly for most, to act a certain way, to 'fit in'. Most have been told in no uncertain terms that we have to mask and to conform to be able to be a part of society. So using a puppet to represent an autistic child, a puppet that can be controlled and manipulated, is so deeply uncomfortable to see. And its hard to understand how they didn't see that.

Side note |

I have to admit that I think puppet in and of itself could be an interesting tool. But as I said the perspective is all wrong. And using it to represent a child is just deeply disturbing. So this is not in anyway an endorsement of the play and the choices they've made.

But if you watch the music video 'Charon' by Keaton Henson. A different medium admittedly. A puppet is used as a device to show how depression and mental ill health makes him feel. Its is a brutal, dark and personal visualisation of the isolation and dehumanisation that comes with depression and honestly, I related. From an autistic perspective I can relate to that feeling of otherness, of not quite fitting. Of feeling dull. Autism isn't bleak in itself, its the struggle of fitting yourself into a world that's made for a different brain type that can be immensely difficult. And thankfully as I get older and understand myself better those feelings lessen. But I still remember being a confused and sad teenager. I remember those feelings. And looking back to who I was then it would have made sense to represent MYSELF with a puppet of similar device.

The word myself is key to this I think. That's where these things have to come from, otherwise there will always be backlash and you will always get it wrong.
I find myself getting increasingly upset with 'autistic parents' as time goes on for a similar reason that this play is uncomfortable for me. And I think in essence they are the community this play is for, not the autistic community. There is an ownership there. A vague sense of "I understand but this is how it affects me" from them. And from this play.

To end, it has to be said that the reaction by the autistic community on twitter has felt saddening to me occasionally. The sudden jump to 'this doesn't represent me'. Well of course it wont. Its sad that the one thing that makes this community so amazing is ignored. We are all individual and unique. Yes there are ties that blend us together and categorise us as autistic but we are as individual from one another than the neurotypical community is. So I don't begrudge them for not representing me or who I was when I was a child. I do however wish that they would take a step back and ask themselves who this is for and to be honest about it. If it is as I suspect a visualisation and exploration of the challenges that come from being a carer then be honest about that. Don't stand there pretending to represent the autistic community when your not.